Something's Missing
by AdenaMentzel
Summary: Take off on the Ferry crash episode arc. What if Addie were on the Ferry when it crashed? Would anyone notice? Please review.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: **Little take off on the Ferry crash story arc…what if Addie were on the Ferry? Would anyone really notice? Reviews are my crack. I hope you like it.

* * *

It was a morning just like any other morning. There was nothing exceedingly extraordinary about it. 

Granted, Cristina and Burke were engaged. Granted, Meredith tried to drown herself in the tub, but otherwise, it was very much a morning just like any other. Going in to SGH that morning, no one expected anything to be different.

And then it happened. A ferry crash happened. Ferries are supposed to be safe; they aren't supposed to crash. If Addison Forbes Montgomery had a dime for every time she had ridden on the ferry without incident, she would be a very, very rich woman. Which isn't to say that she isn't wealthy. Had the pain been less, she would have laughed.

* * *

Derek Shepherd felt off. Something was wrong, and he could sense it, but he wasn't sure exactly what it was. Well, that wasn't entirely true. He knew that something was wrong with Meredith. She had, after all, tried to drown herself in the bathtub—or, maybe not on purpose, but some drowning had seriously been about to occur. So, being the wonderful, loving boyfriend that he was, he had saved her. She screamed at him and stormed off after he had saved her. In that moment, Meredith reminded him of Addison and he wondered whether that had anything to do with why he had chosen Meredith in the first place. He brushed it off and focused instead on worrying about Meredith. That was his job, wasn't it?

* * *

Richard was alone in the elevator when Derek got on. His hair was different, definitely different. Derek stared. 

"Chief," he said as an acknowledgement of the other man.

"Derek," Richard stated plainly. Derek continued staring.

"Something's different, definitely different." The chief said nothing. "What happened to your hair?" The chief continued to ignore him. At the next floor, Mark and Preston got on the elevator and proceeded to make fun of the chief for his hair.

"Men with grey hair are noticed less than men who don't have grey hair." Richard stated bluntly, silently cursing the other men in the elevator, embittered by the fact that they had no sympathy for his current lonely condition, although he would never admit it. To think he had to pick one of these morons—wait, wasn't someone missing?

"By who?" Derek asked, not really thinking or paying attention. Something was missing, but he couldn't put a finger on exactly what it was. Mark and Burke continued to mock the Chief.

* * *

Addison could barely process what was going on. She knew there was an accident. She knew she had been on a ferry. What she didn't know was where she was now, or what was wrong with her. She just knew that she was in pain, and she was scared to death. She wondered whether anyone would notice that she was gone. Someone had to, right? After all, she was an attending…

* * *

Bailey had to take a team down to the site of the crash. There were too many people injured, and not enough time or ER's or OR's in the city to accommodate. She took Grey, Karev, Stevens and O'Malley, not having enough room in the ambulance to fit Yang. All five of them were distracted by the severity of the situation, and therefore said very little. There was noticeable tension in the air, and Bailey was fairly certain that the crash wasn't the only reason for it. Grey had been acting oddly, and Bailey had gathered that Shepherd was concerned about her—things like that got around, especially among the higher ups. Especially when Sloan was around. Of course, subtlety had never been Derek's forte, either. When he was married to Addison, all of their dirty laundry had been publicly aired via Derek's lack of familiarity with the concept. Inwardly, Bailey giggled while she outwardly instructed the interns on what to expect.

* * *

Addison was drifting in and out of consciousness, every now and again seized by pure agony. By now she had gathered that she was trapped beneath something…something…She felt tears welling up in her eyes. "Derek…" She thought back on everything she had done wrong, everything she wanted to take back. She needed to see him…

* * *

Derek was still uncertain what exactly was wrong. It was more than Meredith, he had a feeling that it was more than just Meredith, more than the crash. _Addie…_He felt in his gut that something was wrong. Where was Addie? He hadn't seen her yet that day, and he knew that she didn't have the day off. He was afraid to inquire as to her whereabouts, considering that they were no longer together, but he was still allowed to worry, right? He became fidgety. He asked about Meredith instead, channeling his concern to a more socially acceptable form. He was concerned that no one was concerned about Addison…would anyone else notice? 


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note:** So at first I thought I was gonna make this just a three-parter, but I think there is more potential beyond that. Who knows.

* * *

Mark paced the on-call room by himself. There was no one else there. He had tried to call Addison several times that day. He knew that she didn't want to talk to him—and, in fact, never really wanted to speak to him again, but he had a feeling that something was not right. Aside from merely having a feeling, she hadn't shown up at work today. It wasn't that he had anything really significant to say to her, but still. This was getting ridiculous. This wasn't at all like Addison. It was more likely that she would answer just to chew his head off. He couldn't ask anyone about her or seem to concerned, he knew, because people were getting wary of him pestering her. And, even though she was "Satan", people liked her better than they liked him currently, which he was trying to remedy, but still.

--

Alex scoured the scene, trying to determine who needed his help the most. He was fed up with little suturing jobs and wanted something more substantial; someone who needed him. He saw a body in an area that was not secure, a body partially floating in the water, partially trapped beneath something. It was a woman; that much he could tell based on the clothing. He went over to the woman, despite protests from officials who were declaring the area as unsafe. He couldn't give up. She was pregnant, he now saw, and for the woman's sake was grateful that Addison—where was Addison? He hadn't seen her, which was unusual because he had been hanging around the vagina squad and awful lot recently. Despite his harsh words to her, he was jonesing for her. What if she…? No. That was impossible. He was probably overreacting.

"I need some help down here!" He screamed up, and then began assessing the patient. He removed a cement pile-on from on top of her.

--

Addison was becoming resigned to the fact that she was going to die. No one was going to find her, and that would be the end of that. It was probably for the best, anyhow. She wouldn't be missed that much. Oh, they would probably show up at her funeral, but would anyone really care? She heard voices, rescue workers presumably. She didn't have the strength to call out to them. She heard her phone ring…she couldn't reach it…

--

Derek was searching the crash site frantically, not entirely sure what he was looking for. Okay, that was a lie. He was looking for assurance that Addie had not been on that boat, that she was okay. He had made a detour on the way there, and she and her car were both missing from her dwelling, which didn't mean anything. She could be anywhere.

--

Alex arrived back at the hospital with his patient, frantic. He delivered the stats as she was wheeled in on a gurney. "Someone page Montgomery!" _Where the hell is she?_ Alex didn't know how to handle the scenario on his own. He let the other surgeons take her to the ER. Where was Addison? It was not like her to ignore a page. Unless…

--

Mark called Derek in the two seconds he had to breathe between surgeries, asking if he had seen his ex-wife. Derek picked up the phone, frazzled. Mark was afraid that Derek would go haywire on him for being concerned about Addison.

"Derek, do you know where Addie is?" Derek continued scanning the area around him, trying to find…what? He wasn't sure. If he saw Addie, he would be upset. If he didn't see Addie, he would get more and more worried. "Derek!" Mark demanded.

"What? No…no. Have you? Stupid question. Forget I said that." Mark sighed, hanging up the phone.

--

Alex ran to Joe's, frantically asking if he had seen Addison. No one had, she hadn't even been in there in over a week. But the only times she hadn't called in or answered a page had been when she was extremely, extremely drunk or hung over. Not that Alex necessarily remembered or had been there, but it was something that the other doctors liked to rub in her face. Where else could she possibly be?

--

Meredith Grey did not want to be at the site. She did not enjoy working outside of the hospital, nor did she particularly care for the chance of having to work with Derek. Not that she was necessarily mad at him, of course, but she would really rather have herself pulled together and have an explanation for what had happened earlier so that she wouldn't have to deal with the tension. She hated tension.

She heard a cell phone ring, and turned her head in the direction of the noise. That was when she saw one of the sights that she least wanted to bare witness to.

She was uncertain whether to go directly in and attend to Addison or to find someone else first, knowing full well that if anything went wrong, the blame would be on her. Then she saw Derek, who was only a couple feet away, and infinitely closer to where Addison's body lay, he was just angled in a way such that he body was hidden. She jogged over to him.

--

Derek spun, surprised to see Meredith running towards him. There was a look of terror on her face.

"What is it, Meredith, what's wrong?" His eyes followed her gaze, and he turned, seeing someone trapped beneath rubble just a couple hundred feet away.

"Dr. Montgomery." He started sprinting.

"Addison!"

--

Addison was almost positive that she was dead. Either dead or dying, she knew. Her senses were becoming less and less acute as the pain became more and more intense. The debris atop her body had shifted. Pain, there was nothing but the pain…

* * *

**Author's note: **I felt kind of like I had them find her a little too fast, and I'm kinda uncertain about the way this is going. Feedback would be excellent, my loves... 


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's note: **I'm not so sure what I think of this chapter. It might be a little cracky...I hope you like it. I'm not sure if I got the characterizations quite right. Feedback would be much appreciated.

This would have been up sooner, but I was trying to recover from wigging out about the possibility that there will be a spinoff based on Addie. I'm scared that Shonda will be dumb, and also spinoffs never lead to anything good. And Addie is my favorite television character of all time. Okay, anyway...enjoy the chapter, and please review.

* * *

Addison felt an enormous weight being lifted off of her—literally. Suddenly, she felt as though she were floating. She was barely conscious, and therefore in no state to make sense of the situation. She heard noise, but she couldn't discern individual words. She felt someone take her hand.

--

Derek told Meredith to go get help. He knelt down beside his ex-wife.

"Addie, can you hear me? Addie, talk to me…come on, wake up!" He didn't get a response, so he took her vitals and surveyed the area and her condition. He saw the debris lying on top of her. There was a large piece of metal that was crushing her chest and preventing her from breathing normally. He removed it frantically and checked her breathing again. It was still labored, but slightly less so. She let out a weak moan.

"Addie? Addison? Stay with me."

"Derek?" She managed, her voice so weak it was barely audible, the word she uttered resembling a whimper.

"I'm here, Add, stay with me, okay?" She moaned.

"Trying…" Her eyes were starting to drift shut again.

--

Meredith ran over to get people to help and a gurney.

"A doctor is hurt over there. We need help now." Bailey, who was in the vicinity, snapped around quickly.

"Grey, what happened?" Meredith tried to catch her breath.

"Addison…was on the ferry." Bailey didn't let Meredith finish the sentence before running over to where Derek was.

"Derek," she said, addressing him.

"Yeah?" she glared, "oh, right, she's slipping in and out of consciousness, lacerations on the legs and abdomen…" he continued giving what information he could.

"Okay, let's get her out of here. Take her back to the hospital," he nodded as Miranda moved to help lift her, "ready, one, two, three…"

--

Alex returned to the hospital, not knowing what he should do. He had no idea where Addison was, and was seriously starting to get concerned about her. He walked into Mark, literally, on the way to check on a patient. Both men were equally flustered and managed to drop the charts that they were carrying.

"Sorry," they mumbled absently at each other. They started to walk away, but at the same moment pivoted.

"Have you heard from Addison today?" Mark asked. Alex shook his head.

"I guess you haven't either?" Mark shook his head.

"This isn't like her."

"You don't think she was on the--" Mark cut him off.

"I refuse--" they were distracted when both of their pagers went off at the same time. They both looked down at the 911, then back up at each other before running towards the ambulance bay.

--

Addison had lost consciousness again almost completely. It felt as though she was floating still. She thought she heard sirens in the background. She was vaguely aware of crying and someone holding his hand.

--

Meredith had moved on to another patient in an attempt to suppress the image that she had just scene. It was a black man with a huge laceration in his shin that was in desperate need of suturing.

She was almost finished with the patient when he began to fuss, and she couldn't keep him still. He hit her, attempting to get her to stop fussing with his injury…

--

Derek couldn't hold himself together at the sight of his ex-wife in such a state. She was his best friend, in many ways, and nothing could ever change that. He loved her, and a large part of him always would. He couldn't let her die like this. He blamed himself, illogically, for not finding her sooner. He had known that something was wrong.

--

Miranda attempted to work on other patients, but she was distracted. Addison was, and had been frequently, Miranda's only real friend. They were very similar in so many ways, so during Addison's brief time in Seattle, they had become quick friends, although perhaps neither was willing to admit it.

--

Callie stood over her young patient when she received a text message from her husband. She excused herself. _I am going to kill George…_George had been irritating her lately at work, causing their relationship to be a tad strained of late.

_"Still on site. Addison hurt. Was on ferry. Is bad. Is on way to SGH w/ Derek."_

Well, maybe she wouldn't kill George just yet. She wondered how bad Addison's condition was. The two had become friends recently when Callie had discovered Derek with Meredith. Her heart went out to the woman, and they had gotten to talking. Callie was quite fond of the older woman, and respected her strength, despite not quite understanding all of the decisions she had made, but hey, she wasn't one to judge. She wondered how Derek was taking it, and couldn't help but think that in some way it was his fault.

Callie took a deep breath, pushing her concern out of her mind. She had to at least make it through this surgery before thinking about anything else, including Dr. Montgomery.

--

Alex and Mark caught up with Derek as he and a few nurses pushed Addison along on the way to an ER. Derek gave them the stats, his face red and tear-stained.

--

Meredith, now in the water, was beginning to panic. Panicking was bad. Meredith knew how to swim, and therefore knew it should not be difficult to get out of the water, and yet it was not working. She couldn't help but feel a pang at having seen Derek with Addison and they way that he still deeply cared for her. Not that she could blame him, after all, she had been in pretty bad condition, and Meredith herself would be at least mildly devastated if she were to die, but the way that he looked at her…Meredith was jealous. _I wonder if he would notice if I were missing…_

--

Bailey, who was still nearby where Addison had been, was working on a patient when she heard a splash in the water, not thinking anything of it. Several minutes later, she looked over to where Grey had been, no longer seeing anyone there. Miranda sighed. _Interns…_

A few minutes later when she had finished, she called George over to find Meredith, frowning at the lack of help she had remaining on site.

--

George discovered that Meredith had fallen into the water, noting that he coat was on a patient who was lying off to the side. The man indicated what had happened, and George sighed, diving in to rescue her. He worked to revive her.

"Bailey, what do I do?"

"O'Malley, not now. Figure it out."

--

Yang had been paged to scrub in on Dr. Montgomery's surgery, being that she was the only intern available at the moment. Cristina wasn't particularly close to Addison, but Preston seemed to be kind of fond of her. And Cristina had to admit that she wasn't as horrible as Meredith had made her out to be. And she could have a wicked sense of humor, not unlike Cristina's own.

--

They began doing pre-op for Addison, who had broken a couple of ribs and having trouble breathing, in addition to the several deep lacerations on her body. Richard was preparing to operate, and was getting rather irritated at Derek's spastic behavior, although Mark seemed almost as upset, and Karev was just acting odd.

The Chief would have considered bringing other people in to work on Addison, but Bailey was on site, but additionally would have been hard-pressed to find anyone in the hospital who wouldn't have been shaken up seeing on of the attendings on the table.

--

Derek received word of Meredith's condition. He didn't want to leave Addison, but was conflicted. At the very least, he owed this to Addison, but at the same time if anything happened to Meredith, he would never forgive himself. Not that he would be able to forgive himself if anything happened to Addison, either.

"Doctor Shepherd?" Bailey's voice boomed over the speaker, as the call had been put through to the OR.

He couldn't get his feet to move. Wouldn't he be kicked out if Meredith had to be operated on anyway?

"Do you have it under control, Bailey?"

"Good choice, Shepherd. How's Addison?" Bailey inquired.

"A-fib," Yang announced.

"We had to intubate. She has some internal bleeding that we still have to handle…"

"V-tach," Cristina updated. "Doctor Shepherd!"

"Shit!" The line went dead as the paddles were charged…


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's note:** For some reason I am really anxious about writing this chapter, especially being that this part of the parallel story arc is airing tonight on Grey's, and I really hope that my chapter can stand up to whatever crazy sweeps drama goes on tonight. I'm even more nervous because I won't be able to watch the episode until after it airs. I really, really want to know your reactions to this chapter, because I am so incredibly nervous that it will be sub-par. I hope it isn't too blah…also, there should be another update up, maybe late tonight, because there is more I wanted to write, but I didn't have the time (really, this is only half)…I shouldn't care this much, I know, but I do, so please, please, please review!

--

Meredith awoke in a hospital bed, completely disoriented. She was anxious about opening her eyes as she was uncertain of where she was, but mostly because she didn't know what was wrong with her or what condition she was in. _Or what's wrong with Dr. Montgomery…_A part of her was also afraid that if she opened her eyes, she would not see Derek beside her…

--

Derek was a man obsessed. He refused to give up on Addison; he couldn't let her die. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if she died—it had been hard enough living without her, having broken he heart and stayed with Meredith. Hell, he had asked her to prom and hurt and embarrassed her by sleeping with Meredith at the prom. He had made so many mistakes, and he couldn't let this be one of them.

"Charge the damn paddles!"

"Derek, she has been down for too long."

"No, were repaired the damage. We can fix her, damnit, so charge the damn paddles!" None of the doctors working on Addison could let her go, even though they knew they should stop. They would disagree with Derek, go through all the normal reasoning, but they still charged the paddles.

--

Callie had been paged to work on Addison's case, considering that they needed orthopedic help due to the injuries she had sustained to her legs. They had gotten stable stats after the first time that she slipped into V-tach, and they had repaired all of the internal bleeding they had found, but unfortunately her blood pressure had dropped again. Fortunately, she wasn't in asystole, but she was, unfortunately, as yet unresponsive.

"We can't go on with this much longer…" she called out to Derek.

"O'Malley, she isn't flat lining yet. We can't give up."

--

George stood by Meredith's bed, thinking. He was unaware that she had woken up because she was feigning sleep. He wondered if Meredith had purposefully thrown herself in the water or not. He could have sworn that he sensed her jealousy when Dr. Shepherd had rushed over to be by Addison's side and wondered if, even just subconsciously, she had been hoping that he would rush to be by her side, not Addison's. Meredith had always been obscenely jealous, and lately she had been moping over nothing in particular. He couldn't help but roll his eyes at the thought. _Oh, Meredith…_The girl seriously needed to get over herself. She got the guy, for crying out loud!

--

Addison felt nothing, not really. She was thinking, she knew that. She felt like laughing. She had never thought that when she died she would merely be a statistic. She had never been in a car accident that was life threatening, she had never attempted suicide, and neither cancer not heart disease ran in her family. She thought she was safe from being a statistic. So much for that…

--

Mark was standing back, at the moment, observing a frantic Derek trying to bring his ex-wife back. He was distraught, and it was obvious that he shouldn't have been operating on her, but none of the other surgeons seemed to care.

That could have been, he supposed, because none of the other surgeons should have either. Upon re-evaluating the situation, Addison probably should have been taken to a different hospital. If he hadn't been so out of his mind with worry, he might have laughed. Instead, he cried. And Mark Sloan _did not_ cry. That wasn't the kind of man that he was. Derek, Derek was definitely one to cry, but Mark had never really cried. Not until today.

Seeing that he was no longer needed on the surgery, and the room was getting fairly crowded, he ducked out of the room, unnoticed, and he thanked the powers that be for no one having noticed his tears. He went into the locker room and punched the nearest locker. This could not be happening, not to Addie. He slid down the lockers and sat there, crumpled on the floor, crying for the first time in years.

--

"Derek, even if she makes it through this, what is her quality of life going to be like? We can't do this for much longer and expect her to make a full recovery." The Chief reminded, hating that he had to say this words about a woman whom he considered to be like a daughter to him. But Richard could control his emotions. He wouldn't let them get the best of him until after the surgery—no matter which way it went. He almost hated himself for still having so much hope that she would pull through unscathed. He didn't want to admit to himself that Addison's demise was entirely possible, and bordering on probable. He couldn't handle that reality—he refused to.

--

Izzie believed that Addison could pull through. She believed it with her whole heart. She refused to believe that a woman as strong and powerful could die simply because of something as trivial as a ferryboat crash. She admired Addison, and would not believe that her hero, her mentor, was going to die. Izzie, who had come back to the hospital with Meredith, was now pacing outside of the room in which Addison was being operated upon, talking to herself softly, hoping that by some miracle Addison could hear her, and that she would heed the advice that she was giving.

"Come on, Addison, don't do this…"

--

Miranda Bailey had joined the chaos that was the attempt to save Addison Forbes Montgomery's life. It made her anxious to see her friend in such a state, but seeing everyone so concerned about the woman who had been deemed "Satan" actually warmed her heart.

"See Addison, they don't hate you…" she whispered softly, mostly to herself, "you can pull through this, Addison, come on…"

--

Suddenly, improbably, a pulse began to register on the EKG monitor…


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's note:** So, last night's episode had me rolling my eyes. A lot. But I did love the Maddison scene. :)

Just a tidbit, for those of you who hadn't heard: supposedly Taye Diggs will have a part on Addison's spinoff show...

This chapter is really, really long. Sorry it took so long, but that's my reasoning. I hope you like it! Please review!

* * *

Meredith's vitals were crashing. George could not figure out how that was possible, she had been reasonably stable a few minutes ago. He didn't know what had happened, or how to remedy the situation, so he paged Bailey.

--

Shortly after Addison's pulse had begun to register, she had gone into asystole. Derek was a complete wreck, and beginning to run out of ideas. He could not allow Addison to die; he had already caused her enough pain. He needed her to be okay.

--

Miranda was not thrilled to be pulled out of Addison's surgery to begin with, but when she discovered she had been pulled out in order to work on Meredith Grey, she was even less pleased. _Why does it always have to be one of _my_ interns?_ She couldn't understand how Meredith could have drowned. The girl grew up in Seattle. She had to know how to swim.

Of late, Meredith's work had been slipping and she had been extraordinarily passive-aggressive. Miranda could not, for the life of her, figure out what reason Meredith had to be so depressed. All right, fine, her mother had insulted her. But that was nothing new. Ellis Grey had been insulting her daughter and beating her up emotionally for as long as anyone knew.

Meredith had been acting like a child, and Miranda had absolutely no patience for that. Meredith was an adult. Additionally, Meredith was the adult who had taken away Addison's husband. Granted, Miranda knew that the Montgomery-Shepherd marriage was in trouble before the couple moved to Seattle, and that Meredith hadn't initially known that Derek was a married man, but that was not an excuse. She had continued the affair after finding out about Addie, and continued to pursue Derek, whining when he paid attention to his wife.

Meredith, additionally, was still showing a disgustingly juvenile attitude over the fact that Derek and Addison were still close. It was as if Meredith expected Derek to forget two decades of his life and be uncivil to the woman whom he thought he wanted to spend his life with. The girl had no sense of boundaries, or reality, apparently.

But still, Bailey would be devastated to lose an intern, no matter how annoying that particular intern might happen to be. Especially when that intern was a Grey.

--

Derek had been kicked out of the OR, because he had become a complete and total basket case, and was beginning to fall apart. He didn't know how he would possibly be able to live without Addison. Despite the fact that they were now divorced, she knew more about him than anyone else on the face of the planet. Even if their relationship had to be platonic, there was no way that he could pretend that it was insignificant. He knew Meredith would kick his ass for saying something like that, verbally, of course, because there was no way that Meredith could literally kick his ass…

He had forgotten that Meredith had been in surgery. She had hypothermia, her recalled, but Bailey had said that it was under control. Despite the fact that he was really in no mood to see Meredith, not when he was this upset over Addison, but he decided it was probably a good idea to see his girlfriend. Not to mention the fact that she would flip out if he wasn't there for her. He didn't think Meredith would ever forgive Addison for it, even if Addie were to die…

He couldn't think about Addison anymore. He wouldn't be able to manage it; her condition was tearing him apart.

When he made his way to Meredith's room, he discovered that there was chaos in that room as well. He could tell, from the chaos, that Meredith's temperature had dropped again, and the EKG wasn't showing a stable pulse, but rather was registering V-fib. Derek froze, his anxiety level and the size of the lump in his throat were growing steadily.

--

Mark couldn't stay by himself any longer, and besides, it was killing him not knowing how Addie was doing. He would die without her. Granted, his relationship with Addie had been rocky recently, especially being that he had helped her to cheat on her husband, among other faults, but that didn't mean that he didn't love her with his whole heart. He had never been a man who had understood the concept of fidelity, which was a problem, he knew, but he would seriously try to get over that if she would just give him another chance. Even if they were never together romantically again, she was important to him. They had been very close friends, and that relationship had mattered to him more than most.

Mark walked out of the on-call room and over to where Addison was. He stood outside the window, watching. He knew that watching wasn't going to do anything but make him more emotional and worried, but he didn't know what else he could do. Seeing Addison flatlining was the worst moment of his life, he was sure. His heart was in his throat and it was hard for him to breathe.

--

Derek was torn. He didn't know whether to stay with Meredith or go back to Addison. Meredith appeared to be more stable than Addison, he thought, but then again he didn't really know. Although, Addie had definitely been down for longer, which meant that there was a much higher risk that she would die. He couldn't bare the thought of losing either one of them; Addie and Meredith were the two most important people in his world. Derek knew that he should make a decision, but he was afraid to make the wrong one…

--

Addison had often wondered what it would be like to be dead. As a child, the thought would keep her awake at nights. She wanted to know, would it be like the Egyptians had imagined, or would it follow the Christian beliefs more closely? She had always wanted to believe in reincarnation, but had remained skeptical as to whether that was merely wishful thinking—what could be better than starting over? As her life had continued, that thought had only become more and more relevant. Addison didn't like being dead. If this was what it felt like to be dead…she knew that it wasn't her time. It couldn't be. She had so much more to do…

--

Alex felt a certain amount of responsibility for Addison's condition. He should have noticed at the beginning of his shift that she hadn't been there. He should have worried more that he hadn't seen her yet, even after having been assigned to her. How had he not noticed? It seemed ridiculous now. How could a person go to work and not notice the absence of his boss? He proceeded to do everything in his power to save Addison. He was hopelessly in love with her, but would never confess it. It would clash with his badass persona. Karev knew, on some level, that this persona was stupid, but on another level, it really was a part of him. He just wished that he hadn't been such a coward that he hadn't professed his love for her in the past. Not that there had ever really been an appropriate time to do so, being that her love life was constantly a mess, but he should have been honest. Now, all he could do was hope for another chance.

--

Derek found himself running back to Addison's room. He wasn't whether it was because he was in denial that Meredith was in danger or because he cared more deeply about Addison. He didn't want to think about it, he just wanted his heart to accept what his mind (and everyone around him) was telling him was right. He was supposed to be in love with Meredith, not Addison. He had divorced Addie, and she had cheated on him with his best friend! How could he possibly still be in love with her?

On the other hand, how could he not? They had spent a large percentage of their lives together, even before they were married. He couldn't possibly just forget everything that they had been through, and everything that they had meant to one another. It wasn't that easy—lord knows if it were, his life would have been infinitely simpler.

Derek leaned back against the wall and slid down into a sitting position, his head in his hands. He had chosen to stand by Addison, and that much was clear. Even when he had been watching Meredith, he was thinking about Addie, and he knew that it was wrong, that he shouldn't feel the way that he did, but that was just the thing—he couldn't control his heart. He could ignore what it was telling him, he could follow his head and follow logic, but that wouldn't change anything. He would still need Addison more.

Another dilemma that was facing Derek was that he wasn't sure whether his strong feelings for Addison were sexual in nature or not. There were certain instances in which a man would choose someone else over his significant other, right? Now that he thought about it, it sounded completely ridiculous. Of course you would save the love of your life over your best friend, right? That's the way the stories go, anyway…_unless the two are one in the same…_Derek cursed himself for thinking about Addie in that way. He imagined the way that she would scream at him if she found out what he had been thinking, the pain in his eyes that only he would be able to decipher in its entirety. He was the only one who could really read her like a book.He laughed bitterly. _I better be able to after all that time and effort…_

--

Mark, hearing footsteps behind him, turned around to see Derek sitting on the ground with tears in his eyes. Mark silently walked over to where his ex-best friend sat, and slid down beside him, grateful that for once Derek didn't shoot him a venomous glare. Mark was glad for the company, and mentally fancied that the other man appreciated it as well.

--

Meredith's vitals had stabilized. This time when she regained consciousness, she opened her eyes. She was almost certain that Derek would be there, but he wasn't. She couldn't understand how he could possibly be anywhere else, not that she was entirely sure what her condition had been or what had happened.

"George, what happened?" she asked hoarsely, still slightly groggy.

--

"You were clinically dead, actually, for a while, and um…you were hypothermic. We had your vitals stabilized initially, but there were some complications and…" he continued to explain the ordeal.

George was the only person in the room when Meredith really came to, and out of the drug-induced fog. Bailey had slipped out when Meredith had stabilized, when she knew that the only thing left to do was wait for her to wake up. Of course, George knew that if anything happened he could simply page Bailey, but to tell the truth, he didn't really want to be in the room with Meredith. Especially not alone. George was not especially good with words, and given his most recent thoughts about Meredith, he didn't want to let them slip. This task proved to be difficult as she decided to whine to him about Derek.

"Where is he?" George busied himself writing on her chart, turning away from her so she wouldn't see his clenched jaw. He took a deep breath and withheld the impatience that was trying to sneak its way into his voice.

"Mer, Addison is in bad shape. You have to understand--"

"Have to understand what? I'm his girlfriend, George! I should come first!" He couldn't maintain composure any longer.

"Meredith, not everything is about you!" He screamed before turning on his heel and storming off.

--

Richard was beginning to prepare for the worst. He knew that he could have braced himself long ago, but he was readying himself to deal with Addison's death. The chances of her making a full recovery were growing slim. Richard knew that given the opportunity, Addison would fight for her life—and not just her physical life. He was confident that if she survived this, her recovery would be complete. But the other outcome was still a possibility, a very real possibility.

--

Addison felt a strange sensation, as if she were being grounded, physically, as if her floating body were gaining mass. Being dead had brought with it a blissfully euphoric lack of feeling, which had been nice after the pain of the accident, however she hadn't been in love with the concept of her life being over. That being said, when she began to feel pain again, she was ecstatic, which was something that she never thought she would say, but at the time, she couldn't have asked for anything more. Pain meant she was alive. Pain meant she still had a chance.

--

When the monitor stopped flatlining and Addison went into v-fib, Alex was still prepared for the worst. He didn't like to get his hopes up to high, because throughout his life they had been constantly dashed, hence his need to have a tough shell, and a seemingly thick skin. He needed it to survive. Therefore, he needed to not have expectations that Addison would pull through. He had hope, certainly, but he just didn't want to admit it, because on top of the mere fact that he was secretly in love with Addison, she meant something more to him. Alex Karev saw Addison Montgomery as proof that messed up people could make it. She gave him faith in himself, although that sounded incredibly girly, and he would have never even consciously recognized it, were the situation less desperate.

--

Bailey charged the paddles again. She knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that Addison would make it through this. She knew this for a fact because she was not willing to accept any other outcome. Addison Montgomery could not die, and she was certain of this, which is why, when Addison's stats began to stabilize, Miranda Bailey was not surprised. Which didn't mean that she wasn't relieved, not by a long shot, but Miranda Bailey was always right. This situation was no different than any other. She couldn't help but smile, however she knew that they weren't completely in the clear yet. She still needed to assess Addison's mental status.

"Addison, I need you to talk to me. Can you do that?" Addie managed a moan. "Addison, you need to speak. Say something, anything."

"Pain…" she said hoarsely, her voice cracking. She grimaced, and brought a hand up to her throat. Miranda pushed a strand of Addison's hair back behind her ear.

"Shh, okay. I just needed to make sure that you remembered how to speak. You were in pretty bad shape." Addison nodded.

--

Alex breathed a sigh of relief upon Addison's revival. He just stood back and tried to control his smile, and hide the tears of joy that were gathering in his eyes. Fortunately, Addison and Dr. Bailey were too focused on what they were doing to remember his presence. He busied himself with charts, cleaning up, or anything else he could think of. When he ran out of things to do, which happened rather rapidly, he burst out into the hallway where Derek and Mark were sitting. They looked at him expectantly.

"She's stable, and she's awake," Alex stated, his eyes sparkling. The other two men's expressions were of pure relief, and they hugged for the first time in what felt like forever.

--


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's note:** So, as far as length goes, this one takes the cake. It's kinda sappy, but oh well. Plot-wise, it made sense to me. Your input would be greatly, greatly appreciated. I hope you like it! Please R&R.

* * *

Derek was the first person other than Miranda to talk to Addison. Everyone (other than Meredith, who was not present for the discussion anyway) thought that it was for the best. They had known each other the longest, and were still generally on speaking terms. It took Addison and ungodly amount of time to really open up and become close to new people. They figured that Derek was the best bet. Well, that and the fact that Derek's desperation hadn't gone unnoticed by his colleagues. And he was the one who had saved her.

"Addie?" he managed, his voice weak and cracking from emotion, his relief painfully obvious.

"Derek." She stated with a warm smile. He ran over, hugging her warmly but gently, so as not to hurt her.

"I was so worried about you, Addie," he said, burying his face in her hair, taking in her scent. She laughed through tears, though she wasn't quite sure why.

"I'm sorry." He moved back and smiled, looking into her eyes.

"Don't be silly, it wasn't your fault the ferry crashed." She sobered instantly.

"No, I mean…I'm sorry about Mark, about everything."

"I know, Addison, I know. I'm sorry, too. It wasn't all your fault." He embraced her again. "I'm so glad you're okay…I was going out of my mind worrying about you. I can't live without you. There's no way I would survive. I need you, Addie." He cried into her shoulder. She rubbed his back lightly. "Seeing you like that..." he couldn't finish his sentence.

"I know." She whispered. "It's kind of strange…I thought I was dying, and all I could think was… 'I need to see Derek. I need to tell him I'm sorry. I need to make sure he knows'." Tears were welling up in her eyes. "I'm so sorry."

"Oh, hey, it's okay. You're okay, everything's okay." She nodded skeptically. He chuckled. "Addison, I know that look." She laughed, too.

--

Meredith was fuming silently in her bed. No one had been in to see her. Well, that was a lie. The nurse had been in to see her several times. Meredith didn't want to ask about Addison. It wasn't that she hated Addison, necessarily, but she was bitter. Finally she broke down and asked. She was distraught when she discovered that Addison was fine. Where the hell was Derek?

--

Alex was the second person who went in to see Addison. Technically, he was only supposed to be in there to finish charting and make sure that everything was okay. He really wanted to spend time with Addison, though.

"Karev," she said as a means of addressing him.

"Dr. Montgomery," he responded, "how are you feeling?" He turned to face her. She shrugged.

"I've had better days." He laughed,

"I will not argue with that. Everyone was freaking out because they were so worried about you." She rolled her eyes,

"I somehow doubt that, but…thanks." He looked at her, confused,

"Why would you doubt that?"

"Asks the man who called me Satan's whore?" she scoffed.

"Look, I'm really sorry about that…" She noted his sincerity.

"It's alright, Karev. You're not the only one."

"Dr. Montgomery, I know you think you're alone, but people really _do_ care about you."

"Yeah, right. I bet no one even realized I was gone." He looked down at the floor,

"I should have noticed sooner, I know, but I did notice. So did Dr. Sloan, and from what I hear Dr. Shepherd was freaking out all day. You've had an impact on everyone in this hospital. You should've seen us operating on you…it was a madhouse." She chuckled,

"I'm glad to hear I was in good hands." He cracked a lopsided smile.

"I'm glad you're okay, Ad—Dr. Montgomery." He blushed at his mistake, and she raised an eyebrow, amused,

"You know, when we're not working, you can call me Addison. You know, if I didn't know better, I would think you had a crush on me…" she teased. He cleared his throat.

"I uh…I have to go." He dashed out the door quickly, leaving both of them wondering: _what the hell was that?_

--

Mark was the next to go in to see Addison. He fully expected her to scream at him, as she normally did, but she looked mellower than usual, which was to be expected. The pain meds were probably kicking in around now, leaving her in a cloud, although at the same time, she seemed relatively clear-headed. She was staring off into space when Mark entered, still reeling from the encounter with Karev. He had behaved so strangely…

"Addison?" She blinked, then shook her head, as if to clear it, "You okay?"

"Oh, hi Mark. Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little out of it." He nodded,

"You gave us quite a scare."

"So I keep hearing. Karev said you were worried about me…" she teased. Mark's expression was sober. He cleared his throat.

"I was so afraid that I was going to lose you. I'm so sorry for everything I've done that hurt you. I shouldn't have cheated on you, I know that, and I'm sorry." The anguish that she saw in his eyes made her realize how serious he was. She wasn't used to seeing this side of him, beyond his abrasive exterior.

"I know…I just don't know how I can trust you again," she said softly, looking away, "I don't want to get hurt again. I'm not strong enough." She was surprised at her own openness and vulnerability. He merely nodded in response, and started to leave. He put his hand on the doorknob, and at the last minute turned to face her.

"Addison, I love you." He quickly turned and exited. Tears streamed down Addison's face as she tried to make sense of the situation.

--

Alex was pacing on the locker room. He was no generally one to pace, but his behavior in Addison's room had been…weird. Weird was the understatement of the century. She had to know by now about his schoolboy crush on her. He definitely had a thing for her-- a thing that he had been denying ever since she had arrived at SGH, but a thing nonetheless. Why else would he whine about the vagina squad and call her Satan?

He was hopeless. And weak. Hopelessly weak. Not to mention pathetic. How old was he, twelve? She was probably laughing at him at this very moment.

--

Richard was the next to go in. When he entered the room, she was crying.

"Addison Forbes Montgomery, what are all these tears about?" he asked in a paternal, somewhat soothing manner. She looked up, embarrassed.

"Sorry Chief." She wiped her tears and forced a smile.

"How are you feeling?" She shrugged,

"My body hurts, but hey, that means I'm alive, right?" The Chief smiled.

"Indeed it does, and thank God for that." She smirked.

"Why do you care so much?"

"Aside from the fact that you are the premier neonatal specialist in the country?" he teased. She rolled her eyes.

"The hospital really is your child, isn't it?" she asked in an unreadable tone of voice.

"In a sense, yes. In another sense, you, also, are my child." She looked at him questioningly. He continued, "Addison, I have known you for a very long time. I am quite fond of you, in case you hadn't noticed." She blushed slightly.

"Thanks, Chief." He patted her shoulder.

"Anytime."

--

Preston Burke had been in a surgery that had taken several hours. Because of this, he had missed the chaos of the ferry crash. He had been aware that there had been a crash because some of the people he had been working with were being rotated between surgeries, but he himself knew very little. Among the things that his colleagues had neglected to tell him was that Addison Montgomery had been on the ferry. That she had been in critical condition.

On one hand, he was glad that he hadn't known. She was okay now, so the anxiety of wondering whether or not she would be okay wouldn't have been conducive to a successful surgery. On the other hand, he was kind of irritated that nobody had told him about Addison. Granted, they weren't the best of friends, and actually rarely spoke, not to mention that things between them were sometimes strained because he and Derek were so close, but she had impacted his life. Probably more so than he had realized, having never thought about it.

When Dr. Burke finally got out of surgery, he narrowly avoided colliding with Miranda Bailey, who informed him of the drama that had been going on. Fortunately, he hadn't been aware of any of it until after Dr. Montgomery was in the clear. So he did the only thing he could do—he went to see her. He had very little to say to Addison, he knew, but she had stopped by relatively frequently after his surgery, so he at least owed her a visit. He knocked softly on the door before proceeding to enter.

"Hey Addison." She looked up from the newspaper she had been reading and removed her glasses,

"Preston."

"I was in surgery all day, so I just heard about what happened. How are you?" She laughed,

"I think I'm starting to understand how annoying that question can be. I'm sorry I asked you that so much." He chuckled,

"I'm guessing that means you're okay, then." She grinned,

"It would seem that way. I just want to get out of this bed!" She pouted.

"I think it'll be a little while before that happens," he said, laughing, "We don't want those stitches coming out."

"Yeah, unfortunately. Good news is that I'm still alive."

"Yes, and that is very good news. The place wouldn't be the same without you, Addison." She smiled slightly,

"You're just saying that…" He rolled his eyes.

"I am not one of those people who just says things."

"Okay…" she said skeptically. Burke's pager went off and he sighed.

"Well, I've gotta get this—it's a 911. I'll come back later though."

"Thank you for stopping by, Preston, it means a lot." He smiled at her.

"No problem. Besides, you did it for me."

--

Callie finally finished on the young boy whom she had been operating on. George had stopped by a little while ago, telling her that Addison was awake and relatively okay. That had helped her to get through the surgery and really focus. After the surgery, George was waiting for her outside of the OR. She could tell that something was bothering him.

"George, spill it. What's wrong?" He looked up at her.

"Meredith." She sighed. _It's always Meredith with these people!_

"What about Meredith?"

"Well, first of all, she's been really whiny and annoying about Derek recently and it's really starting to piss me off, but then she fell in the water on site and she was hypothermic and whatever, and I mean, I understand it was a big deal and she was dead for a couple minutes or whatever, but she got all snappy because Derek wasn't with her. She is so selfish sometimes, I don't know why I ever thought I was in love with her!" Callie couldn't help but laugh at George's tirade.

"So I take it Derek was with Addison?" He nodded. She thought for a moment, "Well, I do agree that Meredith has been ridiculous lately. She's really starting to get on my nerves. But honestly? I can understand her being a little upset. Not that I like her, because I definitely don't, but Derek _is_ her boyfriend."

"Addison was down longer though, way longer, and she almost bled out a couple times." Callie nodded pensively.

"If I were Derek, I would have been with Addison, too. Meredith has a point, but he had a tough choice. And Addison really knows him, and he injuries at first glance seemed much more severe." Without warning, George hugged Callie tightly, leaving her somewhat confused. "Whoa, George, what was that about?"

"Just don't die, okay?" Callie laughed,

"I won't as long as you don't." He kissed her quickly, contented.

"Okay, I need to go help a patient." Callie rolled her eyes as George ran off spastically, laughing to herself, and then she went to see Addison.

--

Addison was shaken from her reverie when Callie entered the room.

"I know everyone's been asking you how you are, so I'm not going to, but I am going to say that I am so glad that you are alive!" Addison couldn't help but laugh.

"Oh, and why is that?" Callie rolled her eyes.

"Well, I don't have many friends around here, for one…" Callie responded, laughing. She noticed that Addison seemed distant. "What's wrong? And don't give me that 'I'm fine' crap, because you obviously aren't." Addison narrowed her eyes and glared at Callie. "I am not backing down, Addison, so you'd better just spill," she added, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"I just can't help but think that if I had died, people wouldn't have cared. I mean, I'm in the hospital, so they have to--" Callie cut her off.

"You should have seen those men running around like fools, then you would know that you would have been missed. Besides, if you had been missing for more than a few hours, it would have been more obvious that something was seriously wrong."

"Callie, I would have been dead by—wait, did you say 'men'? As in, plural?" Callie shook her head.

"Oh, Addison, what am I going to do with you! Are you really that oblivious? Yes. _Men_. Plural. Shepherd, Karev and Sloan were behaving like lunatics. Karev and Sloan even ran into each other in the hallway. It was quite a sight. You've got these guys wrapped around your finger. How the hell do you do it?"

"Karev? Seriously? Are we talking about the same Alex Karev?"

"The one and only. You _did_ kiss him, Addison."

"Yeah but…but…" she dropped her head in her hands, "Oh God…he _does_ have a thing for me."

"_Of course_ he has a thing for you! Why else would he whine so much? No, better yet, why else would he kiss you back?"

"Because…I'm his boss and I started it?" she offered lamely. Callie stared. "Alright! Fine! So he has a thing for me, so what?"

"Well, judging by the fact that he has a thing for you, I think it's safe to say that he would have missed you. Sloan has been acting like a fool, and I swear to God he was crying earlier--"

"Whoa, what? Mark Sloan, crying?" Addison looked baffled. Callie merely nodded,

"There's also a dented locker, so I'm willing to bet that was his doing, too." Addison shook her head in amazement.

"I guess he wasn't lying when he said he loved me…"

"Anyway, Derek was even worse. Although, I hear he's in a bit of a pickle…" Addison quirked an eyebrow in question. Callie continued, "Yeah, apparently after Grey found you--"

"Meredith Grey? Found me?"

"Yeah, so anyway, after she found you, Derek ran over and, you know, cried and stuff, and Grey got insanely jealous, somehow she fell in the water, yadda yadda, and she was hypothermic. Derek never noticed because he was with you the whole time. Meredith woke up alone in her room, and, well, now she's pissed." Addison was at a loss for words.

"Wow…" was all she managed.

"Wow's right."

"I'm going to kill that man…" Callie looked confused.

"Why?" Addison sighed and explained.

"He chose her. He should be with her. He didn't need to be with me, his girlfriend needed him."

"You can't blame the man for worrying about you. You guys know each other better than either of you know anyone else." Addison nodded slowly.

"I guess you're right. But if I were Meredith, I'd probably be pissed as hell."

"I think we all would, but at the same time, if I were Derek…"

"You know what, you have a point."

"Of course I do," Callie looked down at her watch, "Shit. I've gotta go. I'll be back later."

"Bye, Callie, and thanks."

"What are friends for, right?"

--

Isobel Stevens and Cristina Yang awkwardly stopped by Dr. Montgomery's room. Mostly, this could be attributed to the fact that Izzie felt that it was something that she needed to do. Even though Addison had put her through hell and a few occasions, Izzie couldn't help but admire her.

Cristina wasn't entirely sure why she tagged along. In part, she wanted to see that Addison was okay, as she had left the OR before Addison had woken up. Another part of it, she presumed, was due to the fact that she couldn't hate the woman, not even for Meredith's sake. Secretly, she kind of liked Addison, a fact that she had to hide for fear that Meredith would seriously maim her.

The two interns had received word of Meredith's condition via George, and had paid her a visit, offering what support they could, doing what friends do. Meredith was bitter, and didn't want them to see Dr. Montgomery. Regardless, the two interns entered Addison's room.

"Dr. Montgomery, I just…um…wanted to say that I'm glad that you're okay." Cristina nodded in agreement.

"Well, thank you Dr. Stevens, Yang." Izzie continued,

"It's…I knew that you would pull through. Because that's just, well, that's who you are. You are a strong woman and you don't give up, and I guess I just wanted to say that I admire that about you, and well…you're a great doctor, and I'm sorry about the whole Satan thing." Addison smiled, touched,

"Well, I have to say that I…didn't expect anything like that from you two. I thought I was still the Wicked Witch." Cristina chose to speak,

"Meredith is my best friend, so I would never say anything bad about her, but she can take things to far, and one of the things that she refuses to understand is that your divorce was rather amicable. It's not the most flattering aspect of her personality." Izzie found this a tempting spot to jump in,

"Would you believe that George told Meredith off about you?" Both Cristina's and Addison's eyes widened. Addison responded first,

"Wait, wait, wait—let me get this straight—O'Malley defended _me_ to _Grey_?" Cristina spoke her surprise, as well,

"Yeah, how did I not know about this?" Izzie elaborated,

"Apparently she got pissed that Derek wasn't there and he yelled at her for being selfish."

"Weird," Cristina stated. Addison nodded in agreement,

"I can't say I saw _that _coming."

--


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's note:** I am so sorry it took so long to update, but school...well, you know the drill. Well, this chapter is kinda...I don't know. I thought it made sense to talk about the MerDer situation at bit, and then another little trip into Addie's head. I'm not completely in love with it, but I needed a little segue into whatever will be coming next, so voila. PLEASE REVIEW-- reviews keep me alive and make me smile and are therefore conducive to my writing. Next chapter should be longer, and up shortly...although that might depend on the response I get...

* * *

Derek went in to see Meredith, finally. It wasn't that he didn't love Meredith, because he was certain that he did—and certainly he would have been devastated if she had died. It was amazing how having known her for such a short period of time (well, it wasn't that small, he guessed, but after spending over a decade with Addison, the brief span in which he had been with Meredith seemed rather small), that she could mean as much to him as she did.

Derek fully acknowledged, as he peered in through the window of Meredith's room, that in part his trip to see Addison had been his attempt to ignore his concern for Meredith. The thought had previously crossed his mind, but now, seeing that Meredith was all right, he knew.

A part of Derek would always be in love with Addison, and he knew that. He just needed to be certain that that part was small enough that he could move on because at times, he wasn't really sure.

--

Meredith saw Derek outside of her room. He was gazing at her (or rather, the general vicinity of the bed) through the window, lost in thought. She took in his appearance—he was a mess. His eyes were red and puffy, his face tear-stained. He looked tired.

She would have expected him to be relieved; both she and Addison were okay. But much to Meredith's surprise, he looked pained and conflicted. She didn't think she had ever seen him look as distant as he did currently.

Meredith wondered where she had gone wrong. Okay, maybe that was a stupid thing to wonder—she had slept with a married man, who happened to be her boss' boss, and continued to pursue him even _after_ she knew that he was married. But, to be fair, it wasn't entirely her fault. Still, her judgment had to have been seriously skewed for her to see this as a good, plausible idea in which she and Derek would end up together. Like there was a possible "happily ever after" for this story. She was the dirty mistress. She was the slutty intern. Those two titles are rarely associated with a happy ending. Those characters don't get to come out at the end feeling justifiably entitled.

But, still, he _chose_ her. _He_ chose her. He chose _her._ Not Addison. That decision had to have been based on the fact that he loved her more than his then-wife. Right? So all of her worrying about him being with Addison-- that had been unjustified and ludicrous, right?

--

Addison, finally alone, finally with a chance to catch her breath, slid down into the bed. Currently, she wanted to curl up into the tiniest ball she could manage and just…feel. But unfortunately, her broken ribs would have made that rather uncomfortable, and she had to be extremely careful so as not to tear the stitches, or Burke would have her head. _Ironic_. She laughed at the less-than-clever joke, rolling her eyes at herself.

Addison did not like being pitied. While all of this attention had been fine and dandy, and had showed her that people did care about her, she couldn't help but feel that their caring had been simply because her condition was a physical manifestation of the feelings evoked by the public tragedy that had been the ferry crash.

She knew that Mark cared, regardless. His rough exterior could never prove the contrary. She knew him better than that. No, her biggest issue with Mark was that she didn't know if she was a big enough person to overlook his insatiable sexual appetite and just…overall Mark-ness. But really, he was a good guy and she knew it.

Obviously Derek would have missed her, on some level. They had been married for a over a decade. But beyond missing her superficially—missing seeing her around, and her simply being, he would have gotten over it relatively quickly. There friendship was nowhere near significant enough to merit a long period of mourning—nowhere near as much as mourning the death of their marriage. But that had been over for a long time, and they both knew it. Whether she died or went back to New York, she was relatively confident that McDreamy really wouldn't have missed her presence. And she kind of liked it that way—she wasn't upset because the people that she already knew wouldn't have really missed her (population: Derek)—she was more angry at herself for not allowing anyone to get close enough to her to care if she just suddenly vanished off of the face of the planet.

Richard would have been upset that he was losing one of his star surgeons, and in a fatherly way he would have missed her (after all, he was practically her father, more so than he own father ever had been). But the truth of the matter was that if she lost him, it would have been much more devastating a scenario. She _wasn't_ his daughter. He had worked with many interns over the course of his career, and surely she couldn't be _that_ special. Addison would never admit that she needed the Chief, but he was the only semblance of family that she had left, what with Derek resenting her and Mark trying to get into her pants all the time.

Addison hadn't ever really been all that close to Preston Burke. Things between them had always just been weird because Preston was friends with Derek, and Cristina was both Burke's girlfriend and Meredith's best friend. Despite having seen both Cristina and Burke that day, she was still confident that neither of them would have grieved heavily. Not that she could necessarily blame them.

Miranda didn't need anyone in the world but Tuck. Sure, she was a great friend, and she could be caring when it came to others, but would she have missed Addison? Please. She might have missed the drama that seemed to follow Addison, though. Addison thought back to the poison ivy incident…

Addison's relationship with Callie was too new for the loss of it to be that devastating. However, if Callie suddenly vanished, Addison would have been at a totally loss. Even though the two hadn't been friends for all that long, Callie could read Addison. And put her in her place, much in the same way that Miranda could, but at the same time, Callie was human enough that Addison didn't feel overly put off or judged. Addison liked that Callie had made mistakes. And that they had both slept with Mark—a fact which shouldn't have been comforting, but for some reason was.

As far as the interns went, she was really uncertain about how much of an impact she had had on any of them. Karev seemed to like her quite a bit, which she had to admit was a little strange—although the juvenile way he went about his feelings for her had been cute. She thought the funnier thing was that she hadn't picked up on it right away. Izzie probably would have missed her—after all, Addison had tried to mentor her. The other interns…well, why the hell would they really have cared?

Addison had always thought that cool professionalism was the way to go about her life. Her career had always been first and foremost on her list of priorities, and social life had always taken the backseat. Which probably explained why so few people really got along with her. She was almost too serious about her job. Although, on the other hand, her demeanor with patients always seemed to have a positive effect—which meant there was a capacity for her to be personable, right? Additionally, she used to always find herself getting too attached to patients. That _had_ to mean that she had a heart, right?

--

Derek finally entered Meredith's room. It had taken a great deal of effort and a considerable amount of time, but he figured it was forgivable. He was, after all, in love with Meredith.

--

By the time that Derek actually managed to enter Meredith's room, she had fallen asleep. As he crossed the threshold into the hospital room, the sound of his footsteps roused her from her gentle slumber. He smiled softly at her, somewhat sheepishly. Once Meredith cleared her head of the fog that sleep had brought on, she glared. She opened her mouth to speak, but he cut her off.

"Meredith, I know that you're pissed at me, but before you yell, I just want to say that I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done what I did."

"Then why did you?"

"Because…I didn't want to think about losing you because I think I'm in love with you."

"You _think?_ And what about Addison?"

"What about Addison?"

"Do you still love her?" He hesitated.

"I don't want to lie to you. So I have to say yes, I do still love Addison."

"Oh my god. Derek…"

"No—I'm not done. I do love Addison, and I always will. But that doesn't mean that she and I will ever be together again. It doesn't mean that I am _in love_ with Addison. I just…I love her. I care about her. I don't know how I can make you understand." Meredith groaned, placing her hands over her eyes, and lay pensively for a moment before responding.

"I get it. I mean, I understand where you are coming from, but that doesn't mean that I am happy about the situation. Here's the deal: you need to put me first. That is the only way that this relationship will work. If you can't do that, I can't stick around." Derek didn't trust himself to speak, and didn't want to put up with arguing over his potentially misconstrued tone of voice, so he just nodded and kissed her gently (on the lips, although oddly his initial inclination had been to go for her forehead but her thought better of it), although perhaps a bit too chastely.

--


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** This is essentially part one of this chapter. Please R&R! Sorry it took so long.

* * *

Addison was getting discharged today—she knew that to be true. She didn't quite know how she felt about that. While she despised being a patient (as all doctors did), she wasn't necessarily looking forward to going back home—er, to the hotel—alone. While Addison hated the pity looks and visits that came with being trapped in a hospital bed, particularly in the hospital in which one worked, she didn't know if she could stand to be alone with her thoughts. It was too painful. But, really, what choice did she have? God, why couldn't she just be cleared for surgery already? She did not have anyone else whom she could go home with. The only reasonable option that she could think of was Mark, and she didn't think she could handle that. It would be too painful. She suspected, however, that he would be checking up on her frequently, because that was just the kind of guy he was, beneath the rough exterior.

--

Mark was sitting in an on-call room, on a bottom bunk, leaning against the wall. His hands were resting over his eyes. He was contemplating asking Addison to move in with him for a little while, until she was completely healed. Mark knew well that Addison had always been one to ignore her body and her own well-being. She was one of those people who would forget to eat if she wasn't reminded. He knew that she would say no, the only question was whether or not he would eventually be able to convince her. Mark did not like to fight losing battles, however he truly loved Addison, so it would definitely be worth it. And, of course, if she declined, he could always pop in to check on her as they were, after all, staying in the same building.

--

Derek was lying in bed, staring at Meredith. She hadn't sustained any serious injuries, so she had been released from the hospital several days ago. Derek knew that Addie was getting out of the hospital that day, and he hadn't been able to sleep all night. He felt incredibly guilty that she would have to be going home alone. Honestly, he would have thought of asking her to stay at the house with them except for the fact that Meredith never would have gone for it, and he never would have heard the end of it. Either that or she would have thrown him out. Derek also knew, however that Alex Karev had just moved into the house, and he knew also that Addison had a thing for the abrasive intern, and that thing was mutual. He was contemplating approaching Karev about it when Meredith's eyes fluttered open. She smiled at him, and when she spoke it took him a moment to process that she had, in fact, spoken.

"You're looking at me." He blinked.

"Hmm? Oh, yeah." Meredith frowned.

"Derek, what's wrong?"

"What? Nothing. Nothing is wrong." She shrugged.

"Alright, if you say so," she begins to get up, but turns to face him, "Did you sleep at all?"

"Why do you ask?"

"You don't have the earplugs in."

"Right. No, no I didn't sleep. I was too restless." She raised her eyebrows,

"This doesn't have anything to do with a certain feisty red-head, does it?" He sighs.

"I'm sorry, Mer…" Her face fell.

"No, don't apologize. You care about her, and I know that you aren't sorry. You just don't want me to be upset." She stormed out to the bathroom. Derek flopped back against the pillows. It was going to be a very long day.

--

Alex Karev walked in on Izzie Stevens in Meredith's bathroom around four-thirty in the morning, a mere ten minutes after Mer had finally left it. Izzie screeched and was quite alarmed, but Alex was too lost in thought to even notice. He was worried about Addison hurting herself, all alone in that hotel room. What if something happened and no one was there? What if nobody noticed? How would he be able to live with himself if something happened? Granted, Sloan and the O'Malleys' lived at the Archfield, but still, they wouldn't be there for her all the time. And besides, Addison really didn't need Sloan harassing her.

--

When Richard walked into Addison's room she was sleeping. She looked peaceful, and absolutely gorgeous. How Derek Shepherd had managed to lose sight of what an amazing woman he had in front of him was completely beyond him. Richard almost didn't want to wake her—he knew that Addison was perpetually pained when she was awake, he had noticed over the past several months. She was lonely and adrift, and it was a shame because she was a talented surgeon and an incredible person. But he might be biased, just the slightest bit. After all, she was like a daughter to him.

Addison whimpered in her sleep, beginning to toss and turn violently. This concerned Richard, who then sat on the edge of the bed. He placed a hand on her shoulder, holding it firmly, and spoke her name in the same manner,

"Addison." She tensed slightly more as she awoke, but relaxed when she saw that it was Richard, although the concern on his face told her that she had some splainin' to do. She sighed.

"Good morning, Chief." He smiled.

"A very good morning indeed, especially for you." She nodded, smiling lightly.

"It is, isn't it?" The concern crept back over Richard's face.

"Addison, what's going on with you?"

"Chief, with all due respect, I don't want to talk about it."

"I'm not asking you as the chief, I'm asking as someone who is concerned about you. You haven't been yourself ever since you moved here, and it had only gotten worse with time." She sighed.

"I'm tired, Richard…just, so tired of everything. I just want someone to love me, someone to go home to at the end of the day. Everything is so complicated, and I just want it to be simple. I can't do this anymore!" Tears began to run down her cheeks, and Richard swiftly pulled her to his chest, comforting her for a few moments until she calmed down.

"Addie, I'm going to discharge you, but you have to promise that you are going to take care of yourself."

"I will." He looked at her skeptically and continued.

"If you do not take care of yourself, you will not be cleared for surgery. Is that clear?" She nodded. "And, you are staying at home for at least a week, so I better not see your face around her until then, okay?" Again, she nodded.

"Thanks, Chief." He cleared his throat.

"I'll be back later in the day to discharge you. Get some rest." With that, he left the room.

--

Izzie Stevens had to present Addison. When she came in for pre-rounds, Addison was crying, curled up tightly on herself and outright sobbing. Izzie had knocked, but it seemed that Addison hadn't heard her. When Izzie entered the room she didn't make much noise, so when she approached the bed to check Dr. Montgomery's vitals, she was startled.

"Jesus, Stevens, you scared me!" Izzie blushed,

"I…uh…sorry…I was just…uh…" Addison chuckled despite her tears.

"At ease, Stevens. It's all right."

"Dr. Montgomery…are you okay?"

"Do I need to answer that?"

"Um, right, no. Well, what's wrong then?" Addison shifted slightly to face Isobel.

"I…"

"You…?"

"I don't want to go back to the hotel alone. I can't." Izzie sat down in a chair beside the bed.

"I get that. You don't want to be all alone with your thoughts because they start to drive you crazy."

"Yeah, exactly. But at the same time, I don't have any other choice, because I am not moving in with Mark. It's too stressful and I can't handle that right now. He's been so sweet to me but…" her voice trails off.

"But he's Mark." Izzie concludes.

"Right. Exactly. And there is no escaping the past. When I'm around him I can't think objectively."

"You know…um…I could go with you if…if you wanted or something." Izzie mutters awkwardly. "I mean, if it weren't for the fact that I live with Meredith you could stay with me, but I do…"

"Well, thank you for the offer, Stevens. I will definitely think about it. And, when we're not working, please call me Addison." Izzie nods.

"Right. Addison. Um, call me Izzie, then."

"All right, Izzie, I will see you," she glances at her watch, "in about five minutes. You better get to rounds, though, before Bailey hunts you down." Izzie smiled, and then scurried out of the room, leaving Addison grinning and shaking her head with a raised eyebrow. She laughed as slid down in the bed.

--

After rounds, Karev (who was supposed to be in the pit) snuck into Addison's room.

"Karev, what are you doing here?" She asked, glancing over her glassed, an eyebrow raised and her head cocked to the side. He shot her that crooked smile of his and she couldn't help but smile.

"I just wanted to ogle you and your McHotness." She rolled her eyes.

"You are so juvenile."

"You love it."

"In your dreams," she scoffs.

"Hey, you'd know—you're in 'em all!"

"You are incorrigible!"

"And you are irresistible."

"Alex, you're not interested, remember?" His smirk fades quickly.

"Addison…" she grins.

"I'm teasing. I know you _like_ me…" she teases, and he blushes, "but, seriously, Karev, why are you here?"

"I was just wondering if you were planning on going back to the hotel, because you really shouldn't have to be alone…you know, in case something were to happen."

"Oooh, you really _do_ like me…" he glares. "Okay, fine, I am going back to the hotel," he looked about to protest, but she continued, "However, I am not going to be alone. Isobel Stevens offered to go with me." Alex's eyes bugged out.

"Izzie did?" Addison narrowed her eyes at him.

"Why is that so surprising?"

"After the quints…"

"I know, but we're okay now, I guess. Except Callie might kill me."

"Yeah, aren't you supposed to be on her side?"

"I like them both. What's the big deal? It doesn't mean I agree with Izzie about Callie."

"Why can't I get away with saying things like that?"

"Because you are Karev." He rolled his eyes.

"I'm leaving."

"Good." She said, teasing. He shot her a look, but she just smiled sweetly.

--

Derek and Mark were stuck on the elevator together, both men on their way to see Addison. Both were visibly uncomfortable being in one another's presence. Mark cleared his throat.

"I was thinking about asking Addie to move in with me while she gets better." He stated plainly. Derek glanced at him, then back at the numbered buttons.

"That's nice." They rode in silence for a moment.

"She'll say no."

"Yes, she will." The elevator arrived at their floor after another awkward silence. Mark managed to make it into her room first, meanwhile Derek paced in front of the vending machines a few yards from her room.

--


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:** Sorry! Oh my god, I'm so sorry this took forever! Please read and review, the next update will be up sooner I promise!!!

* * *

Mark walked into Addie's room hesitantly, knowing full well what her response would be, but he still needed to ask her, if only to show that he cared. He needed her to know how much he loved her, and how willing he was to be there for her. This was only the first step.

When Mark entered the room, Addison smiled at him brightly, longing for interaction. She was really bored and restless, overall just tired of being alone. Mark took her into his arms, hugging her warmly and almost protectively. When he pulled back, he produced a plastic package from his pocket.

"Gummi bears?" she inquired, raising an eyebrow suspiciously.

"Gummi bears," He stated, then continued, "Remember that time that we went to the movies and--" She groaned, burying her face in her hands.

"I thought you had forgotten about that! Ugh, that's so embarrassing!" He chuckled,

"Actually, I find it rather attractive."

"What? Discussing the finer points of gelatinous orgies turns you on?" she asked, suppressing laughter, but simultaneously blushing. He nodded. She looked into his eyes in amazement and was startled by the admiration that she found and was entranced. Suddenly, it became too much. She cleared her throat and broke the gaze. "Thank you, Mark, really. These are…great," she said softly, her eyes dancing with laughter as she looked back up at him.

They both began to speak at the same time, then laughed.

"You go first." She urged, and he obliged.

"I know what you are going to say, but I have to ask you anyway—will you move in with me while you recover?" She looked at him sadly, sympathetically. He laughed, "Well, I knew you weren't going to…" She smiled.

"Well, then you know also that I'm sorry…right?" she asked, searching his eyes for understanding. His sadness was overwhelming, even though he had known what was coming, and Addison's heart broke for him, but she wasn't ready for that step. It wasn't fair to him, especially if she chose someone else—it would only be more painful for him in the long run. "You also must know that I am expecting you to check up on me, right?"

A broad smile spread across Mark's face. There was hope—he wasn't being completely blocked out of her life. Not that anything would have been able to keep him away from her. He smirked.

"Ad, you know I would kick down the door if I had to." She smiled her lopsided smile, eyebrows raised.

"I do know that." He kissed the top of her head.

"I'll be by to visit you later today, or whenever it is I get off." He squeezed her shoulder and exited. Addison let her breath out slowly, pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes.

--

When Derek entered Addison's room, she was still in the same position with her hands to her eyes. It crossed his mind that Mark may not have taken the rejection well and could have said something to hurt her.

"What did he do?" She moved her hands from her eyes so she could see him, looking at him curiously.

"What? Who?"

"Mark. If he did something to hurt you…" Derek's eyes were flaring with anger. Mark Sloan was an ass and Derek couldn't believe that he had ever considered Mark to be his friend. Addison rolled her eyes.

"Mark didn't do anything wrong. Don't kill him."

"Are you sure? Because I could…" She raised an eyebrow, amused.

"You. You could take Sloan?"

"I decked him before, I could do it again."

"Derek, he would KILL you! Mark is ripped." Derek shrugs.

"I _could_ take him. But you're okay?" She nodded.

"I feel bad for him though…"

"Because you're not moving in with him?" She looked confused.

"How did you know about that?"

"Oh, I know all things. I just so happen to be absolutely brilliant." She shook her head, laughing.

"If you say so."

"Hey! What is that supposed to mean?"

"If you're so smart, why don't you figure it out?" she teased. Derek pouted. "Oh, get over it."

"Ad, you're mean."

"You knew that already! Remember, ruler of all that is evil?" she says, gesturing to herself. Derek laughs.

"Oh, right. That. Well, I guess I'll go now…I have a surgery, but I just thought I'd stop in to check up on you once more before you get discharged."

"Okay." He starts to leave.

"Oh, and Derek?" He turns around,

"Yeah?"

"Thanks. For everything. You've been really great through all of this…I'm just…I'm really glad that we can um…that we're still friends." Derek nods, smiling.

"It's been my pleasure." As he walks out the door, he feels a slight pang at her word choice. _Friends…_

--

Izzie returned to Addison's room several hours later when Addison was napping, something that Izzie was glad to see. In some ways, it was for the best that she had been injured because she was being forced to take care of herself. Things like this were beginning to renew Izzie's belief in fate.

It was funny, really, that Izzie found herself feeling so much compassion for the woman whom she had once despised, but recently Izzie had been viewing Addison as a human being, a woman who had made mistakes and was broken.

Izzie approached the bed and gently placed a hand on Addison's shoulder, causing the older woman to jump.

"Oh, Izzie, it's only you." She breathes, relieved.

"Yep, just me. Why? Have those men of yours been bothering you?" Addison blushes.

"I…yeah. Yes, that they have." Izzie giggles.

"They're so pathetic, aren't they? I mean, they clearly all want you. It's actually kind of sad." Addison pouts,

"It's sad that they want me?"

"Oh, God no…I mean, I would totally want you, too—you're seriously McHot—but it's sad because, I mean, obviously they can't _all_ have you." Addison smiles, laughter in her eyes.

"True. Are they really that pathetic?" Izzie nodded enthusiastically.

"I mean, when I saw Sloan earlier, he looked like someone just killed his dog or something." Addison looked suddenly saddened.

"What's with the look?"

"Oh…I…it's nothing. He's upset because I wouldn't move in with him."

"Ah, I see. Well, I don't blame you. What do you say we get out of here?" Addison nods.

"I've already been discharged, so…why don't you go do whatever and I'll change, and we can leave?"

"Okay. I'll be back in a few."


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Yeah, sorry this took forever. It's not much, but it's an update. I hope you like it. Please R&R

* * *

When Addison and Izzie arrived at the hotel room, Addison sank tiredly onto the bed.

"It's pathetic that I was on my feet for less than five minutes and I am already exhausted!" she moaned.

"I told you to take it easy…" Izzie admonished.

"I know, I know. It's my own fault. Like always," Addison sighed, "Story of my life."

--

Callie was standing at the nurse's station, looking over a patient's chart, when Mark walked over to her. She didn't look up from her chart until he spoke.

"So she got discharged today." Callie looked up slowly, shooting him an odd look.

"Yeah."

"She's letting Stevens stay with her."

"I've heard…"

"Why won't she move in with me?"

"Oh. That's what this is about," she says, looking him in the eye. He nods, looking slightly bashful, a glint of hurt evident in his eyes. Callie sighed, somewhat annoyed yet understanding of his plight. She grabs his arm and drags him into the stairwell.

"Look, Sloan, she needs time. She doesn't want to hurt you." He snorts.

"Sure has a funny way of showing it." Callie glared.

"Shut up, manwhore," He looked vaguely wounded, but she continued, "She's broken and she doesn't want to make any more mistakes. You confuse her, and you get under her skin and she can't think properly. _She needs time_. You need to let her think about what she wants. Be an adult about it, try being selfless for a change." She stalked off, leaving Mark alone in the staircase, flabbergasted.

--

Derek was on the elevator, fiddling with his Blackberry, considering calling Addison. He didn't know if she would consider it hovering or not, and whether Meredith would be mad or not. Well, that was a lie. He knew that Meredith would be mad, he just didn't know whether it was worth it to engage her temper or not. As he was debating, Alex entered the elevator. Both men nodded their acknowledgment. Derek cleared his throat.

"So I uh...hear Addison got released today," Alex mumbled. Derek nodded. "Apparently Izzie's moving in with her." That caught Derek's attention.

"Wh--Stevens? Really?"

"I know, it's weird, right?" Derek shrugs.

"Women." Alex nods in agreement.

"Well, at least she won't have to be alone." Derek nods,

"I wouldn't trust Addison on her own, but with being divorced and all it is hard to make sure she is taken care of. So I'm glad that she has someone."

"Dude, don't you think it's weird you didn't give a damn about her _before_ you got divorced, and now all you do is worry?" Derek glared.

"Listen, Alex, I might have been an asshole husband, but that doesn't mean that I didn't care."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, dude." Alex shot back as he eased off of the elevator. Derek leaned back and banged his head against the wall.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N:** Sorry this took so long and it's so short, but I wanted to give you guys something-- I haven't forgotten this story! Please review-- it will help me write faster, I promise!

* * *

After an indeterminate amount of time, Addison awoke to the sound of someone knocking on the door. She kept her eyes shut, hoping that Izzie would answer the door, but when she didn't, she supposed that she had no choice but to get up if she wanted the incessant pounding to stop. She saw Izzie sleeping in what must had been an extremely uncomfortable position on a chair and laughed before gently shaking her shoulder to wake her up. Izzie awoke with a start.

"Wh—what's going on? What time is it?" Addison rolled her eyes.

"Izzie, relax. I just thought that you might be more comfortable in the bed than in this chair."

"Are you sure? Because--"

"Yes, I'm sure." Izzie nodded gratefully, stretching her long limbs and working out a kink in her neck as she moved to the side of the bed that Addison hadn't been occupying. Addison shuffled over to the door and peered through the peephole to see who it was that had come to bother her.

--

Mark was beginning to get antsy waiting for Addison to open the door. A part of him was uncertain and wondered if she was purposefully ignoring him and wanted him to leave. Even though she had told him to stop by, he wasn't entirely sure if that request had been sincere or not. He was relieved when after six minutes and twenty-seven seconds she opened the door with what appeared to be a pleased expression on her face.

"Mark," she stated by way of introduction. He nodded in response, watching his shoe rub against the worn carpet of the hotel hallway awkwardly. She gently placed a hand on his shoulder, waiting for him to lift his eyes to hers. When he did, they were riddled with fear and uncertainty. It hurt Addison to know that she had the power to do that to him, but it was also reassuring. She could tell that he had changed, that he wasn't the same man who had screwed her over in he past. She wanted to believe that it could never happen again, and she honestly wasn't consciously trying to torture him by putting him through all of this, but at the same time she felt it was necessary. She didn't want to make any more mistakes. Mark cleared his throat.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, uncertain where they stood in terms of physicality. Was he allowed to touch her, or was that out of the question? He settled for resting his hand against the doorjamb. Addison dropped her hand back down to her side, her shoulders slumping slightly and he noticed for the first time really how tired she looked.

"I'm fine," she said, although lacking the energy necessary to be at all convincing.

"I'm sorry, Ads, I'll let you get back to sleep. I should have checked the time before stopping by." She shook her head in protest.

"No, it's fine. And sweet, very sweet. I'm glad you're here. Really." She stifled a yawn and leaned all of her weight against the door.

"Addison, you're exhausted," she opened her mouth to protest, but before she could, he had swept her off of her feet, quite literally, and carried her into the hotel room. After he initial shock had worn off, she relaxed in his arms, leaning her head against his shoulder. He set her down gently on the bed and sat beside her, brushing the frizzy strands of her brilliant red hair out of her eyes. She sighed contentedly, drifting off to sleep practically as soon as her head hit the pillow. Once Mark was sure she had fallen asleep, he dropped a kiss on her forehead before going back to his own room, casting one last glance at her sleeping form.


	12. Chapter 12

Addison awoke early the following morning to the sound of Izzie drying her hair. She stretched and yawned, smiling as she thought back to the previous night. Mark had been kind and caring and hadn't pressured her. He had merely stopped by to see how she was, and had cared enough about her welfare to put her to bed, despite her protests.

After Izzie finished with the blow dryer, she walked out into the bedroom to find Addison smiling, seemingly lost in thought.

"So, care to tell me who it was at the door last night?" Addison's smile got a little wider before she turned her attention to the intern.

"Oh it was just…Mark." Izzie laughed at the dreamy look that Addison had on her face, which caused Addison to blush and look down.

"So what happened with that?" Addison rubbed her neck as the flush increased.

"It was nothing. He was just…sweet."

"Sweet, huh?" Izzie said with a hint of disbelief in her voice. Addison nodded then glanced at the clock.

"Stevens—er—Izzie, you better get going or you'll be late for rounds." Izzie nodded, grabbed her purse, and headed out the door.

--

Derek stood outside of the Archfield as Izzie walked out, just having gotten off of an obscenely long shift. He was dead tired, but it seemed more important to see Addison than to sleep. Izzie shot him a confused glance on her way out, casting a casual "hey, Shepherd" in his direction. He didn't seem to notice.

After several minutes, he started walking, still in a strange daze. When he got up to her room, he stared at the door, uncertain whether or not he should enter. Maybe he shouldn't bother—maybe he should just turn around and head the other way. He raised his hand to knock, then dropped it back down to his side. Alex was right. He had no right to care about Addison anymore. Lord knows he hadn't given a damn about her for the past several years. Now that they were divorced, it seemed ridiculous that suddenly he cared this much about her. He heard the door to Mark's room, which was just down the hall, open, knowing it was Mark without even turning his head. He finally turned when Mark addressed him, approaching his room.

"You know, Shep…if you want to go check up on her, I don't think it would be a bad idea," Mark suggested, noticing Derek's hesitance and seeing the uncertainty in his eyes.

"I know, it's stupid…it's just…"

"Derek."

"Karev just said something the other day that made me think, and…do you think it's weird that I worry more about Addi now that we're divorced?"

"Well…I mean…" Mark considered his words carefully as he rubbed his neck. Derek mistook his silence for confirmation of Karev's attack.

"Shit. I knew it. I shouldn't be doing this. It's not fair." Mark cleared his throat.

"Derek, if you care about her, it's not wrong. And you guys were really good friends before you got married. You just…you don't want to lose her, and…she needs people around her to take care of her right now. Just…don't do anything stupid, okay?" Derek snorted.

"That's rich coming from you," he retorts, smiling to let Mark know that he's kidding.

--

Meredith and Alex sat a gurney in an abandoned wing of the hospital after rounds, both stewing over Derek's behavior, though separately and silently.

"So, Mer, what's the deal with you?" Alex asks, hoping to get his mind off of Shepherd's newfound obsession with Addison. Mer sighs and looks at Alex,

"Well, I could tell you, but I don't think you really want to hear more about how Derek is being an imbecile." Alex groans and responds,

"What's with that guy anyway? He has no right. The last thing she needs is him confusing her, plus he's with you anyway!"

"It's like I don't even exist anymore. He can't even see me! I guess this is how she must have felt."

"He seriously needs to get off of his high horse."

--

Derek knocked on Addison's door finally, after a brief pep talk from Mark. He was feeling better about the whole situation, not to mention the fact that it had put him in a good mood that he and Mark had had a civil conversation and their friendship was on the way to (slowly) being patched.

When Addison opened the door, she was clad in a fluffy white bath towel and her hair was wet. _Maybe it's not such a bad thing that I waited_, he mused. She rubbed a towel through her long locks in an attempt to speed the drying process and stepped aside, gesturing for him to enter, which was when he realized that the toothbrush in her mouth was the reason that she had yet to greet him.

He sat on the bed, waiting for her to finish brushing her teeth. His eyes scanned the impersonal hotel room and he wondered how she could stand to live there. She was Addison—she liked personal touches and knick-knacks and all of those girly things. A hotel room, especially this hotel room, seemed more appropriate for Mark, the perpetual bachelor. He snapped out of his trance when she appeared in the bedroom again.

"Good morning, Derek," she greeted cheerfully.

"Addison."

"You look like hell," she commented with a smirk.

"Well thank you," he replied. Her brow furrowed in concern.

"No, seriously, you should get some sleep."

"I wanted to check up on you first." She sighed.

"Derek, you can't keep doing this. You need to take care of yourself, and you need to take care of Meredith. On the list of things that you should be concerned about, I'm at the very bottom. You need to prioritize, Der."

"Addison…"

"No, Derek, no. You were indifferent to me for years. Years! I understand that you are worried about me, and that's fine, but you were the only person that I wanted to see when I was trapped there after the crash, and I was glad to see you, but this is ridiculous. I'm still in love with you Derek, and you're not helping the situation any! So go…just…go home to Meredith."

"Okay, first of all, Mer is working right now. Second, second only to Mark, you are and have been my best friend for longer than anyone. Third, I'm not trying to lead you on, but would being with me again be the worst thing in the world?" Addison deflated slightly and dropped down to the bed beside him.

"I don't know, Derek…I'm so confused…" she whined, dropping her head into her hands.

"Shh, hey, it's okay…" he soothed, placing his arm around her shoulders, rubbing her arm gently, "Everything's okay. I just want to be here for you, as a friend, because I know you, Addi, and you're going through a lot right now. If you really want me to leave you alone, I'll try, but…I can't promise anything." Addison turned and leaned her forehead on Derek's shoulder.

"I don't want you to leave. I don't think. I don't even know _what_ I want anymore." She let herself cry on his shoulder. She cried for all of her unresolved emotions, and for the man she had talked to on the ferry who had died on impact. She cried because she didn't know what else she could do. Derek just sat there and comforted her the best way that he knew how.


End file.
